Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
