After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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