I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
