He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
