sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
