Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Randomize
