Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
