I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
