I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
