At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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