hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
