So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
