proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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