Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize