I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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