thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
