Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
