Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
