I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
