You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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