"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
