So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
