wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
