I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize