I must be too annoying 4 u.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize