Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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