found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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