she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
