i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
