Do you still have your period?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
