she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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