just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
