I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
