You're so nebulous sometimes
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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