After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
