Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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