How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
