i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
