I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
