Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
