After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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