Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize