my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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