Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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