Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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