I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you will always have a special place in my vag
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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