did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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