I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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