Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
