So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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