East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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