You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
