and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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