Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
