dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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