Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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