I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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