that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
