I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
