I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
