Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
