standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
